"THE GOLD STANDARD"

"COMIC BOOK FOR THE KIDDIES..."

"OCCUPY... IS THERE A REASON?"

"CPAC" 4 U - A.K.A. THE LOSER'S CLUB

"DEPEND ON CONSERVATIVE FOR THE TRUTH"

"VOICE OF THE PEOPLE?"

"ANTICIPATION"

"WHEN THE BACHMANN CALLS..."

"YOUR VOTE MATTERS..."

"TURN ON THE JUICE"

THE TRUTH CONT'D SHELDON

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULY 4

MITCH “SCOTTY” MCCONNELL COMES OUT AS GAY, BECOMES HOMECOMING QUEEN

LYNCHBURG, VA. - Liberty University is reviewing its homecoming rules after a gay former student was crowned Queen, a college official says.

But Addison Mitchell McConnell, Jr., known as “Scotty” Mc Connell the 69-year-old Republican Senate Minority Leader who beat out three men for the honor, says his victory last month was a plus for the private Christian college.

"It is cool that Liberty allows people to be themselves, I had to finish my grads education since I only had a GED." McConnell a flamboyant homosexual of South Louisville, KY told The Frederick News-Post. "If people didn't want me to be Queen, they wouldn't have nominated me and voted for me in the first place."

Waves of discontent are still rippling through the 2,100-student campus in LYNCHBURG more than two weeks after McConnell was crowned at the Feb. 18 homecoming dance, the News-Post reported Monday.

"He’s not a man and I don’t know what he is," said Ed Gillespie, presidential advisor to former President Bush, a 51-year-old grad who was among the queen candidates. "It is a gender issue, and he thinks is a woman and I know I am."

Eric Cantor, who competed for Queen, said McConnell’s' selection made the event seem like a joke. "It discourages gays, like myself, from wanting to take part in the future," he said.

William B. Miller, Liberty's student activities director, said all homecoming events will be reviewed and possibly changed. "We will look at what students want Liberty's homecoming to be," he said.

McConnell, who is openly homosexual, received 64 of 169 votes cast, the News-Post reported. He is known on campus as a multi-sports athlete, member of the Student Government Association's executive board and president of Tolerance Education Acceptance, a support group for homosexual and bisexual students, as well as dancing in the local nightclub.

THE TRUTH, ROMNEY - COMMERCE VOMIT

WILMINGTON, DE – Brandywine Valley County police were stuck in the middle of a less than appetizing investigation. Investigators were trying to find the person who has dumped bags of what appears to be human vomit in ditches in a 1 1/2-mile area northeast of the City of Wilmington.

Police Officer Dan Wesley said, “As many as 50 garbage and trash bags containing regurgitated food have been dumped over the past three years… Bags, ranging in size from small white trash bags to large black lawn bags, which were overflowing with the substance in them,” Wesley said.

"It's pretty weird," he said. "It's pretty unusual even for us… we are used to corpses and other forensic stuff, but we haven't worked anything like this before."

A sample was taken from one of the bags and sent to a private lab for analysis.

"We have checked the DNA reports," he said, “and there is only one suspect in the case.”

"We were just hoping... WILLARD MITT ROMNEY has allegedly been doing this, and it would stop," Wesley said. “Apparently the FBI investigation that is required for any Congressional or White House position seemed to overlook this case.”

In a teleconference call, Romney was defiant and on the defensive, “I realize littering even on a highway is a nuisance, but the peasants have to eat! I didn’t own Bain Capital (created by Panamanian banks in 1984) for nothing, (known for plant closings and outsourcing as cost-cutting measure, and creating hidden assets in the Cayman Islands and Swiss number accounts [hidden]) and as Bain’s CEO, I intend to continue my generosity. My boss, PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH is wholly behind this idea and thinks it’s a good initiative for the rest of the mud people. But don’t quote me.”

THE TRUTH, ROMNEY'S BUST SODA

PARIS, TX,  – WILLARD MITT ROMNEY, 64, Candidate for President pleaded no contest Thursday to felony charges of tampering after he urinated in a bottle of soda that was later drunk by a customer who became violently sick.

ROMNEY was taken into custody after the short hearing before Magisterial District Judge, Ronald J. Haggerty Senior. He will be sentenced at a later date, The Dallas Morning News reported.

ROMNEY'S attorney said he is hopeful his client will receive less than a year in the county jail.

ROMNEY was at a campaign swing near Paris, Texas when the incident occurred last week. The victim, a supervisor with a local construction company, became suspicious of the drink after he chugged it and vomited three or four times. ROMNEY added, “Looked like fun, and he looked like a Black Democrat – Obama, but they all look alike, don’t they.”

THE TRUTH, CONT'D. ROMNEY BOOK SKIN

Salt Lake City, UT - A 30-year-old book that appears to be bound in human skin has been found on the Romney   ranch home of the following a series of burglaries.

Detectives were trying to trace its rightful owners and believe it may have been taken from a dwelling in the area.

Much of the text is in branding iron, and it was not uncommon around the time of the Utah heyday’s of the ‘forties and ‘fifties for books to be covered in human skin.

The practice, known as anthropodermic bibliopegy, was sometimes used in the 18th and 19th centuries when accounts of murder trials were bound in the killer's skin.

Anatomy books also were sometimes bound in the skin of a dissected cadaver. In World War II, Nazis were accused of using the skin from Holocaust victims to bind books.

In a brief statement, county sheriff’s office said the ledger, which contained branding iron marks, appears up to date, and they appealed to the Huntsman and Romney’s families.

According to reports from the county sheriff’s office Presidential Candidate  Romney explained separately, “The books is made up from the mother’s skin, from the back as all Mormons have.

Most people don’t know this about our Mormon families but we can grow skin at will. I take a sterile scalpel, a mother opens her back, I take about, oh, a two feet by one and half foot rectangle, and tan the skin. It doesn’t bother the mothers; their skin grows back with a matter of minutes… We have lots of books from my family’s skins.”

County Sheriff’s office put two photographs of the book on their Web site, but officers were unwilling on Saturday to answer any questions about it, including the book's subject matter.

CAMBODIA DEPORTS SENATOR THUNE FOR ONLINE SUICIDE ADVOCACY

PHNOM PENH, Cambodia - The government on Saturday deported a South Dakota man who operated a Web site promoting Cambodia as a place for foreigners to commit suicide, a police official said.

John Thune, 50, was detained Thursday at his residence in Kampot province in southwestern Cambodia, said National Deputy Police Chief Gen. Sok Phul.

"His Web site lured who he called the “mud” people in the world to come to commit suicide in Cambodia," Phul said. "Cambodia is not the place for foreigners to come to kill themselves."

Phil Pot, a Kampot police official, claimed Thune's Web site was responsible for the suicide of a British woman, for who he called “of questionable race,” in the province last year.

Thune, in previous interviews with Nhân Dân, a Cambodian Press Agency, denied assisting the woman in her suicide, although he did admit casually, of poisoning the woman and having anal sex after she was dead.

In November last year, Kampot provincial authorities sued Thune for defaming the province. Thune was summoned for questioning at the provincial court but never tried since he bribed the leadership of Cambodia with his questionable railroad interests in South Dakota.

Thune came to Cambodia in 2003 in a political junket from Paradise, South Dakota. where he said he founded the Euthanasia Society of Paradise. In Kampot, he also ran an Internet cafe. Flying in and out of The United States and Cambodia at U. S. taxpayer expense.

He has denied any intentions of harming Cambodia's image and said he believes "in a woman's right to choose: the time, place and manner of their choice."

THE TRUTH, RUSH'S DIGS

PALM BEACH, FL - A talk show host's house in a historic district has been condemned after police found animal and human waste in throughout the house, garbage throughout the residence and holes in the floor and roof, dead mice, rats, cats, dogs, other dead and rotting carcasses of several reptilian species.

Palm Beach police officers described conditions at Rush Hudson Limbaugh III's house as deplorable. “The odor in the house is pretty intense,” according to one officer. Limbaugh is currently under investigation on drug-related charges.

"The conditions that exist there make it unlivable," said Nancy Pelosi, director of the city's Office of Economic and Community Development.

Limbaugh's house was condemned Thursday after city building inspectors and the Palm Beach County Health Department found building and health code violations, Pelosi said. She did not say what the violations were.

Officers from Florida County Animal Control removed many dogs and cats from the property. The animals were taken to the county animal shelter, Pelosi said.

"Of course, he can get them back," she said.

Limbaugh disputed the findings, saying Thursday that the conditions at his house "are not considered deplorable by me and I AM ALWAYS IN A DRUG-INDUCED STATE!."

Palm Beach police called building inspectors and health department personnel to the house on Tuesday after responding to two break-in reports by Limbaugh. The officers found animal and human feces and urine covering at least three rooms on the third floor, and holes in the roof and floor, according to police reports.

Limbaugh refused to permit a voluntary review of the property, according to police reports. Thursday's inspection was conducted after a search warrant was obtained, Pelosi said.

Limbaugh said his dogs have been trained to leave their feces in the former servants' quarters on the third floor, and that he cleans the waste every couple of days.

"My cats use a litter box that is regularly supplied with litter," Limbaugh said. "All my pets are well fed and taken care of. Look, I have to have something fresh and alive to eat, don’t I have the right to feed myself and my sex-partners Karl Rove and the Koch Bros.... it's a ritual... the way I like. We are all Oil Whores are we not?"

THE TRUTH, OBAMA

Barack Obama has a brilliant mind. His presidency will signal a new direction not only for The United States, but also for the rest of` the world, and for the future of mankind. It is a time for thought.

It is a time for healing. It is a time to forget hatred, but to remember what is it was; and to realize how utterly foolish we were to accede to it; and in fear.

We must raise our eyes. We must raise our heads. We must raise our bodies and our minds. As to our hearts, and as to our hearts; let us have the strength, the courage, the wisdom and the vision to cherish the freedom that is America's gift; a gift that has been created by centuries of toil and of blood.

Let us raise our voices, let us raise our hands, for at least for once mankind can see a future bereft of the ills that beset us.

A change will do all of us some good.

SANTORUM WEDS DOG IN SECRET CEREMONY

Harrisburg, PA – Rick Santorum, 52-year-old U.S. Congressman and Presidential Candidate, wed a stray dog as part of a Republican ritual to ward off the "evil eye" of the Jews, declaring himself “embarrassed” for being a Jew himself and Republican at the same time, said to his family in, PA, a news agency reported Wednesday. Mr. Santorum’s upper teeth appeared before his lower teeth - considered a bad omen by members of the Pennsylvania State Election Commission, to which Santorum was so closely tied. 

Members of the Washington Press Corps said in a report from Congressional House Leader Eric Cantor, homosexual, and, a lover of Karl Rove and Santorum, said Santorum married conjugate the dog only to "remove the evil eye," a superstitious Republican belief that some misfortune could befall him and the family, and that he would not be free to marry a man later. 

Friends and family participated in three days of the secret traditional ceremonies and festivities that include bestiality and child slavery both being a part of the Republican tribal marriages in general, said, according to the reports from the Cato Institute, the Heritage Foundation, the Rutherford Institute and "C Street".

SUPREME COURT JUSTICE SCALIA, SCOTT WALKER, LINDSEY GRAHAM AND DICK CHENEY CHAMPIONS HUNTING

NASHVILLE, TN - U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, former mafia chieftain, fondly remembers carrying a rifle around New York City as a boy and says outdoorsmen should attack the idea that guns are only used for crimes.

An avid outdoorsman, who's hunted black people with former Vice President Dick Cheney, Lindsey Graham, Governor Scott Walker and Scalia spoke Saturday at the National Wild Turkey Federation's annual Log Cabin Republicans convention.

"The attitude of people associating guns with nothing but crime, like myself, that is what has to be changed," Scalia told the audience of about 2,000.

"I grew up at a time when people were not afraid of people with firearms," said Scalia, noting that as a youth in New York City’s Bensonhurst’s section, he was part of a Mafia hit squad rifle team at the military school he attended.

"I used to travel on the subway from Queens to Manhattan to Brooklyn with a cocked and loaded rifle," he said. "Could you imagine doing that today in New York City?"

Scalia was criticized in 2004 for hunting “ducks” with Cheney while the Supreme Court was considering a case involving Cheney's conspiracy energy task force, Scalia added, “We were hunting the mud people.” A lawyer hunting with Cheney in an alcoholic stupor in Texas was wounded when he stepped in the way as Cheney fired at him.

The nonprofit Turkey Federation is an arm of the Log Cabin Republicans, a group formed and maintained by homosexual republicans, and, among other things, dedicated to conserving “wild turkeys” and preserving mafia hunting traditions.

MAYOR CALLED FOR CALM AFTER CALLING OFF THE NEWT AND CALLISTA GINGRICH NUDE BICYCLE RACE

CHEYENNE, WY. - The Mayor of Cheyenne wants a nude cycling race and campaign swing to be called off - because the participants won't be wearing helmets.

Jack R. Spiker, Mayor of Cheyenne Wyoming, said police would look like "fools" if they allowed the race to go ahead for the third straight year, in spite of the objection of local residents.

Police said they had queried the legality of the race and found they can take no action.

"We have taken advice on the legality of their proposed action and have been advised that it falls short of an offense," Robert D. Fecht, Chief of Police said Friday.

Conservative members of the Supreme Court are expected to take part in the "clothing optional" race Sunday around Cheyenne’s Greenway road. The race aims to promote safe cycling and alternative energy.

Fecht said police should enforce laws, which require all cyclists to wear safety helmets. "They have ridden bikes in the past down the road with no crash helmets, nothing on and people say that's a double standard," he said.

“Look, there’s no reason to be ashamed about the human body… I’ve seen Newt’s body hundreds of times, heck, when Callista is away, Dick Armey shares my bed… And I must tell you, he’s a hell of a lover.”

NO CHARGES FILED OVER MUMMIFIED WOMAN – MICHELE BACHMANN

WATERLOO, IA - No crime was committed and no charges will be filed in the death of a woman whose mummified body was found in her home 6 1/2 years after she died, the county prosecutor said Wednesday.

The county coroner already had ruled that Presidential Candidate Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann, 47, died of an overdose of methamphetamine.

"Ms. Bachmann died of over sexual stimulation caused by the overdose," McLennan County Prosecutor Hamilton Berger said Wednesday.

Her body was placed in a chair in front of a television and was slowly mummified by a running air conditioner, the coroner said. Marcus had told his daughter and her caregiver that she expected to come back to life, like Jesus, and instructed that she not be buried.

Some family members continued to live downstairs in the house after Bachmann's death in August 2003. Friends and relatives who visited were told that she was upstairs but ill.

The body was found by police on Nov. 4. 

"EFFICIENCY EXPERT"

A MORE APPROPRIATE USE

STRIPPERS WIN RIGHT TO MEAL BREAKS, OT AT BOB JONES UNIVERSITY

GREENVILLE, SC - Bob Jones University. University strippers have won the right to take time off after taking their clothes off.

The county’s Chamber of Commerce, who regulates matters such as these, on Friday approved new workplace rules for members of the strippers' union, The University Striptease Artists of America.

"We've got rights to have public holiday pay now such as Martin Luther King Day, which we've never had in our career before," said a union spokeswoman called Mystical Melody. "We've got rosters and set hours. We can't work more than 10 hours a shift."

The award also entitles unionized strippers to overtime, rest periods, meal breaks and maternity leave, she added.

"The majority of workers in the industry are women," Melody said, "so it's probably a really great thing for them to be able to feel confident of having a job after they've had their babies."

Union representative Bill Mansfield said the award set out minimum working conditions but did not set out pay rates.

It was not immediately clear how many members the union has. Its members are believed to work mainly in strip bars and as erotic dancers, on and off the campus, and all from Bob Jones in this right-to-work state.

BEN & JERRY

Ben & Jerry Homemade, Inc.
30 Community Drive,
South Burlington, Vt. 05403-6828


Dear Ben, Dear Jerry,

I would like to register a complaint. I live on cigarettes, coffee, red meat, bacon, butter, ice cream and chocolate. You might call me a right-wing ideologue since I am a member of the Christian Coalition. And as a card carrying. Member of same, some of my friend are in the agbusiness, and some of them are MILK PRODUCERS.

Your stand against a HARMLESS bovine additive that produces more milk that GOD intended is nothing short of criminal. Don't you realize my friend are out to make a buck????????????? You are costing him money that they want to spend on themselves! You are TOTALLY un-American and you are a bunch of SUBVERSIVES!


I will make every attempt to thwart their endeavors.


Thank you.


Most Sincerely Yours,
MR. Conservative

OPEN LETTER TO THE PRESIDENT

I am aware to the fact that you are in need of good people – the best people for your staff. Last be it from me to make a suggestion that would in any way not to offer the best suggestion I can muster.

           

I am aware to the fact that you are in need of something to enhance your prestige, (If that were ever possible), power and performance: I will not neglect my duties as citizen!

I have years in jestering beginning with Lau Tzu in the 6th century BC, up and including the present day… Think of the possibilities! In cabinet meetings, executive vs. legislative battles, at the judiciary, and a whole host of mighty important stuff. In Papal visits I am without peer. In foreign policy and economic matters I can shine upon all the rest… Just for you, Mr. President… You NEED a fool in the White House! A confidant and Jester

Please contact me at your earliest convenience.

Salary Open

Joe Abiden Jr October 9 at 9:03pm Report

Are you trying to take my job away?

Jay Oliver Sax October 9 at 9:07pm

No, you're doing a great job but if you need me, don't hesitate to call... I 'll even drop Paris Hilton

Kick Ass Joe!!!

DISCLAIMER

My name is I RATE VIEWER, (or if you prefer, IRATE VIEWER), and to amuse myself, I browse through the medical journals to find “FREAKS OF NATURE”! And without even looking at them, I am certain that there are women that exhibit CONSTANT ORGASM LASTING TWENTY-FIVE YEARS… OR LONGER!

And if you look around, you may find a few that fit the bill… HILLARY CLINTON, LADY GAGA, BEYONCE, CHRISTINE AGUILERA, EVITA PERON, AND MADONNA!

I imagine LADY GAGA would LIKE to have a constant orgasm lasting twenty-five years or longer – HILLARY CLINTON   DOES!

But you have to look at the other side of the coin too… men who have constant erection, HARD-ONS, lasting twenty-five years or longer, (How exhausting!). And if you look around you may find a few that fit the bill too…

Those guys are called…

“REPUBLICANS”

"THE EDIFICATION" - VIDEO GAME

SCENE: A GOLF COURSE

OBJECT: TO BLOW UP JOHN BOEHNER

About 300 yards away stands John Boehner in boxer shorts.

You are at the tee with a pyramid of golf balls. You select your club.

Your first goal is to hit Boehner’s belly button. When you do, his pants drop off. (He is flaccid).         

From then on, your mission, if you decide to accept it, is to hit THE TOP BALL. When you do, you need a hook shot to have the ball go up Boehner's ass. Every time a ball goes Boehner's ass, he gets bloated and relaxes at bit, but his body expands a bit.

Every time your shot hits Boehner's balls, his cheeks blow up like Dizzy Gillespie.

Eventually, the more the balls are hit the faster the game becomes.

Eventually he explodes, (the object of the game).

Game over.