PAPERWEIGHT SEVERS HOUSE MAJORITY LEADER ERIC CANTOR’S RIGHT HAND

WASHINGTON, D.C., Eric Cantor, House Majority Leader who kept a 40 mm shell on his desk as a paperweight blew off part of his hand when he apparently used the object to try to squash a bug, authorities say.

The 5-inch-long shell exploded Monday while the Secretary was teaching 20 to 25 students at an adult education class in, “The Study of Economics: Abortion on Demand For The Lower Classes.”

Part of Cantor's right hand was severed and he suffered severe burns and minor shrapnel wounds to his forearms and torso, Fire Chief Adrian H. Thompson said. No one else was injured. He was reported in stable condition at a hospital.

Cantor slammed the shell down in an attempt to kill something that was buzzing or crawling across the desk, said Chief Thompson. The Majority Leader found the 40 mm round while hunting years ago with Vice President Dick Cheney, and Antonin Scalia, Associate Justice of The United States Supreme Court, and "obviously he didn't think the round was live," said Dennis Huston, who teaches computer design alongside Cantor.

Cantor remarked, “I guess should’ve worn my body armor this time… Not having military experience myself, I wasn’t able to determine the, (and I have and had no desire to experience first line combat, in the first place – I don’t want to be hurt, injured, maimed or diseased, in any shape or form) capacity or combustible capacity – is it T.N.T. or black powder or something… I don’t know… I don’t know… frankly, there’s little I do know from first hand knowledge… I’ve been sheltered, secluded from the “real” world. Look, I know I’m not the top guy… I have to play the game not create it… naturally I have no ability to create, as far as I know…. Just following orders… Just following orders from the Koch Brothers.”

THE "KEYS" TO POWER - {DRINK & GROW}

"FASHION SHOW"

I was WONDERING… Who is RESPONSIBLE… For ignoring SARAH PALIN’S line of SOILED HOUSE FROCKS AND POTHOLDERS from the latest "Fashion Show" her new Spring/Fall line…

I was looking forward in seeing these items in the windows of LORD &; TAILOR, SAKS FIFTH AVENUE, BERGDORF GOODMAN, BARNEY’S, BLOOMINGDALES, HARRY WINSTON, AND HUNTING WORLD!

And in the pages of VOGUE, HARPER’S BAZAAR, MADEMOISELLE, GLAMOUR, ALLURE, ELLE, SEVENTEEN, SELF, WOMAN’S DAY, THE MARY CHESS CATALOGUE, THE NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC; AND A TWO-PAGE SPREAD IN THE MANCHESTER GUARDIAN…

Who ever is responsible…

THANK YOU.

LIKE A VIRGIN... SORT OF… ANN COULTER IS HAVING SURGERY TO REJUVENATE HER SEX LIFE

BAYONNE, NJ - When Ann Coulter decided to give her life partner, Michelle Bachmann, a gift for their Valentine’s day she wanted it to be special… really special. She decided that conventional treats such as Mediterranean cruises, gold watches, cars, a murder-mystery weekend, or even a boob job just weren’t going to cut it. She gave him something much more personal — and painful… her virginity.

Well, sort of. Ms. Coulter paid $5,000 to a cosmetic surgeon to stitch her hymen back together so she could “lose her virginity” all over again and her partner would have that thrilling conquest at the grand age of 48.

She did, and after that very expensive moment the ecstatic couple spent a passionate Valentine’s weekend last year having the kind of sex that they had almost forgotten about. Now they are busy telling family, friends and strangers that it is the best money they ever spent and everyone should do it.

“Now my sister is thinking of becoming a virgin again for her 48th birthday to surprise her boyfriend, Clarence Thomas, Associate Supreme Court Justice, Ms. Coulter gleefully, as she sits in her palatial family estate in San Antonio, Texas, talking unabashedly about such intimate matters.

She is not the first to choose the operation — a hymenoplasty — to repair the fragments of skin forming the traditional “gateway” to the vagina, years after originally losing it to Mike Huckabee, former Governor of Arkansas as a twelve-year old girl, (They had planned to marry).

Women have resorted to backstreet hymen repair for centuries in religions and cultures in which marrying as a virgin is sacred and losing your “maidenhead” before matrimony can mean shame, or even being put to death. But an increasing number of women such as Ms. Coulter are now electing to be “revirginised” using modern techniques as a purely cosmetic or lifestyle choice, to “put the sparkle” back into their relationships or give their life partners a surprise.

They usually opt also to have one of the new “designer vagina” procedures, such as tightening up of the vaginal canal slackened by childbirth, or the cosmetic trimming of enlarged labia.

“I have affluent upper-class ladies coming in from Manhattan, getting ready for a second-honeymoon cruise or something like that. Or some women had a disappointing time the first time they were deflowered and now they have found someone special they would really like to give it up to,” says “Dr.” Mike Pence posing as a gynecologist and plastic surgeon who has a “specialist” clinic in Bayonne, New Jersey. He performs ten hymenoplasties a month.

TEA PARTY FAVORITE, RANDALL HOWARD PAUL, DUPED IN OWN INTERNET SCAM

LEXINGTON, KY - A renowned ophthalmologist and feline extinction expert, lost up to $300 million over 10 years to a Nigerian Internet scam, his father, Ron Paul alleges in a lawsuit.

Dr. Randall Howard Paul, Tea Party member of U.S. Senate of the Commonwealth of Kentucky, and 49-year-old known for medical experimentation with corneal transplants, who works washing dishes with his mother in the medical plaza in Russellville, KY that bears his name, acknowledged losing $68 million to "some bad investments with his own charity, “The Lions Club,” according to court papers.

Randall Paul filed a lawsuit last month asking a judge to remove his father as administrator of the family's $800 million partnership. He alleges his father sent the money to a scammer who promised the doctor a cut of a huge sum of cash trapped in African bank accounts in exchange for money advances. The scammer was himself, Randall Paul, who was using the foundation as his own piggy bank and using his father for a cover-up.

The younger Paul claims in court papers he filed the suit to prevent his father from being further “victimized” by Paul’s own charity.

Ronald Paul accuses his son in legal documents of carrying out an unspecified "vendetta" against him. Randall Paul lost a bid last October to have a conservator oversee the family partnership, documents show.

The Nigerian Internet fraud, (The Lion’s Club Foundation), is a long-running con that targets people with e-mail accounts. Criminals, members of the Carlisle Group, who that were on the son’s payroll, send junk e-mail to thousands of unsuspecting people offering them a share in a large fortune if they can only provide a smaller amount of money up front. The criminal entity takes the money and then disappears.

Randal Howard Paul gained prominence in 2007 by claiming that his studies of President Reagan's speech patterns showed Reagan had been suffering from diminished mental ability as early as 1980, based upon his medical experiments concerning the murder of cats.

A hearing in Rand Paul's lawsuit was set for October 12.