THE TRUTH, ROMNEY - COMMERCE VOMIT

WILMINGTON, DE – Brandywine Valley County police were stuck in the middle of a less than appetizing investigation. Investigators were trying to find the person who has dumped bags of what appears to be human vomit in ditches in a 1 1/2-mile area northeast of the City of Wilmington.

Police Officer Dan Wesley said, “As many as 50 garbage and trash bags containing regurgitated food have been dumped over the past three years… Bags, ranging in size from small white trash bags to large black lawn bags, which were overflowing with the substance in them,” Wesley said.

"It's pretty weird," he said. "It's pretty unusual even for us… we are used to corpses and other forensic stuff, but we haven't worked anything like this before."

A sample was taken from one of the bags and sent to a private lab for analysis.

"We have checked the DNA reports," he said, “and there is only one suspect in the case.”

"We were just hoping... WILLARD MITT ROMNEY has allegedly been doing this, and it would stop," Wesley said. “Apparently the FBI investigation that is required for any Congressional or White House position seemed to overlook this case.”

In a teleconference call, Romney was defiant and on the defensive, “I realize littering even on a highway is a nuisance, but the peasants have to eat! I didn’t own Bain Capital (created by Panamanian banks in 1984) for nothing, (known for plant closings and outsourcing as cost-cutting measure, and creating hidden assets in the Cayman Islands and Swiss number accounts [hidden]) and as Bain’s CEO, I intend to continue my generosity. My boss, PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH is wholly behind this idea and thinks it’s a good initiative for the rest of the mud people. But don’t quote me.”

THE TRUTH, ROMNEY'S BUST SODA

PARIS, TX,  – WILLARD MITT ROMNEY, 64, Candidate for President pleaded no contest Thursday to felony charges of tampering after he urinated in a bottle of soda that was later drunk by a customer who became violently sick.

ROMNEY was taken into custody after the short hearing before Magisterial District Judge, Ronald J. Haggerty Senior. He will be sentenced at a later date, The Dallas Morning News reported.

ROMNEY'S attorney said he is hopeful his client will receive less than a year in the county jail.

ROMNEY was at a campaign swing near Paris, Texas when the incident occurred last week. The victim, a supervisor with a local construction company, became suspicious of the drink after he chugged it and vomited three or four times. ROMNEY added, “Looked like fun, and he looked like a Black Democrat – Obama, but they all look alike, don’t they.”

THE TRUTH, CONT'D. ROMNEY BOOK SKIN

Salt Lake City, UT - A 30-year-old book that appears to be bound in human skin has been found on the Romney   ranch home of the following a series of burglaries.

Detectives were trying to trace its rightful owners and believe it may have been taken from a dwelling in the area.

Much of the text is in branding iron, and it was not uncommon around the time of the Utah heyday’s of the ‘forties and ‘fifties for books to be covered in human skin.

The practice, known as anthropodermic bibliopegy, was sometimes used in the 18th and 19th centuries when accounts of murder trials were bound in the killer's skin.

Anatomy books also were sometimes bound in the skin of a dissected cadaver. In World War II, Nazis were accused of using the skin from Holocaust victims to bind books.

In a brief statement, county sheriff’s office said the ledger, which contained branding iron marks, appears up to date, and they appealed to the Huntsman and Romney’s families.

According to reports from the county sheriff’s office Presidential Candidate  Romney explained separately, “The books is made up from the mother’s skin, from the back as all Mormons have.

Most people don’t know this about our Mormon families but we can grow skin at will. I take a sterile scalpel, a mother opens her back, I take about, oh, a two feet by one and half foot rectangle, and tan the skin. It doesn’t bother the mothers; their skin grows back with a matter of minutes… We have lots of books from my family’s skins.”

County Sheriff’s office put two photographs of the book on their Web site, but officers were unwilling on Saturday to answer any questions about it, including the book's subject matter.