WILMINGTON, DE – Brandywine Valley
County police were stuck in the middle of a less than appetizing investigation.
Investigators were trying to find the person who has dumped bags of what
appears to be human vomit in ditches in a 1 1/2-mile area northeast of the City
of Wilmington.
Police Officer Dan Wesley said, “As
many as 50 garbage and trash bags containing regurgitated food have been dumped
over the past three years… Bags, ranging in size from small white trash bags to
large black lawn bags, which were overflowing with the substance in them,”
Wesley said.
"It's pretty weird," he
said. "It's pretty unusual even for us… we are used to corpses and other
forensic stuff, but we haven't worked anything like this before."
A sample was taken from one of the bags and sent to a private lab for analysis.
"We have checked the DNA
reports," he said, “and there is only one suspect in the case.”
"We were just hoping... WILLARD
MITT ROMNEY has allegedly been doing this, and it would stop," Wesley
said. “Apparently the FBI investigation that is required for any Congressional
or White House position seemed to overlook this case.”
In a teleconference call, Romney was defiant and on the defensive, “I realize littering even on a highway is a nuisance, but the peasants have to eat! I didn’t own Bain Capital (created by Panamanian banks in 1984) for nothing, (known for plant closings and outsourcing as cost-cutting measure, and creating hidden assets in the Cayman Islands and Swiss number accounts [hidden]) and as Bain’s CEO, I intend to continue my generosity. My boss, PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH is wholly behind this idea and thinks it’s a good initiative for the rest of the mud people. But don’t quote me.”
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