SANTORUM WEDS DOG IN SECRET CEREMONY

Harrisburg, PA – Rick Santorum, 52-year-old U.S. Congressman and Presidential Candidate, wed a stray dog as part of a Republican ritual to ward off the "evil eye" of the Jews, declaring himself “embarrassed” for being a Jew himself and Republican at the same time, said to his family in, PA, a news agency reported Wednesday. Mr. Santorum’s upper teeth appeared before his lower teeth - considered a bad omen by members of the Pennsylvania State Election Commission, to which Santorum was so closely tied. 

Members of the Washington Press Corps said in a report from Congressional House Leader Eric Cantor, homosexual, and, a lover of Karl Rove and Santorum, said Santorum married conjugate the dog only to "remove the evil eye," a superstitious Republican belief that some misfortune could befall him and the family, and that he would not be free to marry a man later. 

Friends and family participated in three days of the secret traditional ceremonies and festivities that include bestiality and child slavery both being a part of the Republican tribal marriages in general, said, according to the reports from the Cato Institute, the Heritage Foundation, the Rutherford Institute and "C Street".