SOUTH CAROLINA SENATOR DEMINT OPENS DRIVE-IN MASSAGE PARLOR/BROTHEL

CHARLESTON, SC - Stressed out during a long drive? Road hogs driving you up the wall? The South Carolina state government is only too happy to help. The country's first highway drive-in massage parlor and the South’s first brothels opened Monday, with the aim of reducing accidents by easing tense muscles of stressed-out drivers. The parlors will be equipped with automatic massage chairs and other facilities.

"I hope highway users will use these facilities, and with separate but equal facilities for the gay and lesbian communities, I think I covered all the bases," Republican Senator Jim DeMint of The Palmetto state, said.

Owned and operated by Wal-Mart™, the first massage center/brothel along I-95, the government was planning to license a number of centers this year.

Hundreds of thousands of South Carolinians and many others commute along a web of highways daily, but accidents - and deaths - typically rise during festive occasions when millions descend to the Myrtle Beach areas and major cities during extended holidays.

DeMint in an interview stated, “Look, I have to find a way to get re-elected… hell, I’ll be their first customer, guess where the gay one of course! And, for your information, this IS Tea Party and Republican family’s issue.”

"You know the old saying, 'Once an oil whore, always an oil whore!'"