WILMINGTON, DE – Brandywine Valley County police were
stuck in the middle of a less than appetizing investigation. Investigators were
trying to find the person who has dumped bags of what appears to be human vomit
in ditches in a 1 1/2-mile area northeast of the City of Wilmington.
Police Officer Dan Wesley said, “As many as 50 garbage
and trash bags containing regurgitated food have been dumped over the past
three years… Bags, ranging in size from small white trash bags to large black
lawn bags, which were overflowing with the substance in them,” Wesley said.
"It's pretty weird," he said. "It's
pretty unusual even for us… we are used to corpses and other forensic stuff,
but we haven't worked anything like this before."
A sample was taken from one of the bags and sent to a
private lab for analysis.
"We have checked the DNA reports," he said,
“and there is only one suspect in the case.”
"We were just hoping... Karl Rove, Former White
House Chief of Staff has allegedly been doing this, and it would stop,"
Wesley said. “Apparently the FBI investigation that is required for any
Congressional or White House appointment seemed to overlook this case.”
In a teleconference call, Rove was defiant and on the
defensive, “I realize littering even on a highway is a nuisance, but the
peasants have to eat! As White House Chief of Staff, I intend to continue my
generosity. My boss, MITT ROMNEY is wholly behind this idea and thinks
it’s a good initiative for the rest of the mud people. But don’t quote me.”
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